Rules of society don't apply

The following is a perfect example of how many people assume that, because you're in a sex shop, the rules of society no longer apply.
Rules such as: be polite, be curteous, shower, try to hide your huge erection, don't hit on the sales associate, think what your mother would say if she saw you like this...etc.

It's also an example of how someone who looks completely legit can actually turn out to be the biggest CMF on the planet.
Looks. They can deceive.

OK first of all, this night was insanely crazy. I was stuck in the worst traffic trying to get to work on time, and I arrived late. Perfect way to start a shift. So not only did I feel totally rushed as soon as I walked in the door, I was also starving and broke. I was not a happy camper.

First customer of my shift walked in at about 10 to 6.
He looked "normal" enough.
Short, with curly gray hair under a dirty baseball cap, dirty fingernails, and glasses. He had a black t-shirt tucked into his jeans and he was wearing a jean jacket. It was a denim nightmare, with a belt buckle.

I greeted him and asked if he had any questions or needed help finding anything. When he said no, like most customers do, I said, "well, just let me know if I can help you with anything."
"Anything?" he asked. Yeah, in that creepy voice.
He stopped walking. "well, I like some of this lingerie. For my friend. I don't know if it would look good on her though. Would you put some of it on for me?"
Um. Should I laugh?
I did my perfected "yeah right" scoff/giggle combination, the kind I use when an old man makes a joke with me. You know, to make them feel better. Or stop talking. Or stop creeping me out.
This guy did none of that. He just stared at me. Like he expected me to answer.
"Well?"
I wasn't sure if he was serious. "Obviously you know I can't do that."
"oh. No. I didn't know that. Why not?" He was actually confused, as if what he had asked me was completely legitimate.
I was beside myself at this point.
"Because that would be extremely inappropriate, and it would make me uncomfortable."
"Inapprioriate? Why? Isn't that your job?"
I didn't listen. Just kept talking.
"And I'd probably get fired. Oh, and I respect myself enough to know that I don't need to do that in order to get a compliment from an old man."

He continued staring. So I said, "So, um, if you have any questions about any of our products, feel free to ask."
"Well you said ANYTHING. I don't get it. But whatever."

So he went over to the glass case and I explained all the stuff that was in there. The topic of butt sex came up, because that's where we keep our stainless steel anal toys. "I was in prison for 15 years and never had to experience that. I'm too proud at this point to say I've never done it."
I looked at him with a "get a life" expression and said, "don't knock it till you try it."
Anyway, blah blah blah, more uncomfortable chatter, yadda yadda. He then tells me that he actually doesn't need any of this stuff because he's been single for 15 years.
"They make websites for that, you know," was my response. My bitchy, arms-folded, snotty teenage cheerleader response. If I had been chewing gum, I would have blown a bubble.
"I ain't about to go chasing women. Seems all the women I chase end up putting me in prison."
I wanted to say, 'well maybe you shouldn't do things that they'll send you to prison for.' but I resisted. Unfortunately.
Then I heard him mumble something that filled me with rage.
"Women...they have too many rights in this country."
This is when I started shooting lasers out of my eyes. I could feel my face getting red. I wanted to yell, "THEN GO SOMEHWERE WHERE WOMEN HAVE NO RIGHTS! SEE HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU! I'M SURE SAUDI ARABIA WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU!!!"
Luckily for both of us, the phone rang.

I've never been able to say this before but...saved by the bell.



Keep your batteries charged! ~Alice