Fruedian Slips

The following is a fleeting and ill-prepared list of some of my favorite quotes, uttered by both customers and associates alike.

Be sure to take facial expression into account as you imagine these momentary scenarios. (Most ages approximations. Actual ages are from IDs. The rest of the cases are from when I either a) forgot to write it down until later or b) heard it from another employee)

-"A condom? People still use those?" (Female, late 30's)

-"I don't have my ID but I swear I'm 18." (male, approx. age 13)

-Shouted loudly from the other end of the store, "Hey!" I turned my head slightly as I don't appreciate being yelled at. "Do you use dildos? I mean, I know you do, but which one?" (Male, age 23)

-"What's lube for?"

-"Do you sell edible condoms?"

-"I bet you get a lot of creeps in here." (Creep, approx. age 30)

-"I need something really fat for my girlfriend." (Male, age 24)

-"What's your most boughten game?" (Dumb female, age 18)

-"What's a butt plug? I thought that was for people who can't hold in their poop." (Female, approx. age 21)

-"I was in prison for 15 years, and I'm PROUD to say I ne'er had to experience THAT." (Male, 50's) To which my response was "Don't knock it 'till you try it."

-"A WHAT?! Honey, I'm married, I have no idea what you're talking about." (Female, 40's)

-"Do you have a room we can fuck in?" (Male, approx. age 21 with female, same age. CLEARLY on Meth)

-Whispered by one dumb 18-yr-old to her dumb 18-yr-old friend, "Lisa, put that down! That's for faggots!"